Yamucha Densetsu

So, hey, a few posts back I tried to prove Yamucha was the father of Goku (and I did so quite scientifically, I might add). Even Vegetto EX admitted on The Podcast in Which My Greatness is Eternally Enshrined that my argument was tighter than my underpants since I was locked in a McDonalds for two months with nothing to eat but Big Macs (which explains my own absence). But I encountered a problem near the end when I remembered Goten can become a Super Saiyan. All sources also state clearly that Goten is half-Saiyan. Oh oh, spaghetti-o’s!

After literally days of coming up with complex theories to explain this, such as Yamucha’s sperm using its genetic bandit skills to steal the Super Saiyan gene from one of Goku’s somehow still surviving sperm lying about inside Chichi. What? The guy somehow survived Namek blowing up. I think his sperm can too. Or perhaps, the power of Goku’s spooge infused Chichi’s HFIL with Super Saiyan power. So THAT’S why the curtains don’t match the drapes.

Realising I was getting bogged down in a lot of gross to think about semantics, I decided to use Occam’s Razor. After cutting myself with it for that sweet relief, I further decided to simplify the problem and came to a solution.

Yamucha is Goku.

That said, I am not saying this ever happened, or could ever happen. For one, Yamucha is so bad at banditry, he couldn't even steal Photoshop. Thank you, don't forget to tip!

Wolf Hurricane is the definitive Yamucha insert song. In fact, it’s the only Yamucha insert song. And it was only used once. When he lost a fight. Hey, definitive doesn’t mean good. You can listen to it below this sentence right here.

Julian Grybowski, he of Daizenshuu EX, once translated the lyrics of this wonderful song to English. Of course Japanese is a very temperamental language where nothing is what it seems, innocent sounding phrases have deeper meaning and basically, are inscrutable to even the most logical of men. Like women. With the talking and the shoe shopping and hot flashes. Dames!

So I’m going to take a look at, and revise when necessary, Julian’s (we’re on a first name basis as of… now. He just doesn’t know yet) work. That way, I don’t have to do much, making this my favourite type of post besides the non-existent ones I made for the last few months. Issues I have with the translation will be highlighted in some colour or another and expanded upon below.

That's right, losing to Triclops in the first round got Yamucha an insert song. He didn't even get one when the Saibaiman blew up. Ronri urufu! Parts of you are over there!

You know, the Yamucha Densetsu is different from a lot of Dragon Ball character fansite by 1) being run by me, Mr. Amazing and 2) calling a spade a spade when it comes to our character for choice. This is a fancy way of saying I call Yamucha a pillock a lot.

But you know, character sites usually try to “big up” their character, to make them seem more important and impressive in order to recruit more followers into their cult. So here’s my attempt at this today.

Yamucha is the father of Goten and you can’t prove me wrong.

What? No! Don't look! Not evidence!

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So, hey, I’m sure all you visitors have magically seen the Jump special legally despite it being available on DVD only in Japan and probably haven’t torrented it or anything. Not even.

Anyway, even if you haven’t it doesn’t matter because I’m not going to spoil any of it. Suffice to say, Yamucha is in it so I’ll cover it sometime, but not today.

No, this is something much more sinister. A conspiracy that exposes the dark heart of Yamucha himself. This is very complicated sciencey type stuff so let me know if you can’t keep up, okay?

'Derp derp. I'm Goku. Derpa derpa DERP!

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